3 Helpful Confrontation Tips For More Healthy Relationships
This post is all about conflict and confrontation and tips to deal with it.
No friendship or relationship is perfect and conflict is inevitable. So what do you do when you run into uncomfortable situations and issues? It’s hard to really know the ins and outs of handling conflict with others, especially when figuring out the rest of your life is already confusing enough.
Confrontation can be so daunting- I know because it used to stress me out so much to the point where I’d completely avoid it. But I also know that this is a widely shared experience. As women, we’ve been taught to avoid assertiveness and make ourselves smaller to not take up space. But times are changing and it’s time that we change our perspective regarding confrontation along with it.
Confrontation doesn’t have to be a Bad Thing
The word itself has such a negative connotation to it, but you don’t have to think of it that way. Instead, try changing your perspective to think of it as an extension of assertiveness. Where instead of being aggressive in your approach, you’re just respectful and have confidence in your communication abilities.
You don’t want to hold a grudge and let that fester or even go about the silent treatment. The way I see it, you aren’t confrontational for someone else’s sake as much as your own. You’re doing it so that you don’t feel resentment in your chest and instead let go of any pent-up anger. So shift your perspective of your reasoning why you’re doing it and refocus it back to yourself and your own mental wellbeing.
Jen Sincero said it best in You Are A Badass (every twenty-something should read this book I even wrote a review). To sum it up in one sentence, it’s about releasing grudges and being nice to yourself by having healthy relationships (62). Of course this varies on a situation basis, but for the point of this post, this will suffice.
How do I know I’m not just overreacting?
Your feelings are valid! Don’t gaslight yourself out of facing confrontation because you’re convinced that whatever the effect of what was done just wasn’t that person’s intention. If you’re not sure if it’s an actual issue, wait 24 hours, and if it’s still on your mind, then it’s probably something you’ll want to talk about. From there, decipher your emotions so you actually know what you’re mad about then hit them with the “we need to talk” text.
It’s way worse to watch relationships dwindle because you danced around the subject of what was actually bothering you. But it is important to analyze each situation carefully and pick and choose your battles!
While confrontation is important, it’s also difficult. Although there is no 100% correct way to go about it and every situation is different, here are some of my best tips that I can give you for navigating it.
Tips for Dealing With Confrontation
1. Understand what you have to lose from being Complacent
No one likes a pushover and you’d probably hate to think of yourself as one. Don’t sacrifice your own peace of mind and risk running into similar situations in the future. You have little to gain from self-suppression and staying complacent in situations that aren’t serving you. Honesty is the best policy (I know, so corny but it’s a saying for a reason).
2. The sooner The Better
Procrastination is just another form of self-sabotage and in most cases, the longer you wait, the less relevant the conflict becomes. Don’t self-sabotage your way into missing your window of opportunity to make things right. Unless you’re trying to decide if what your upset about is actually even an issue or if you’re overreacting (you probably aren’t if you feel deeply about it), get it over with so you don’t have to think about the same issue for weeks or even months.
3. Use “i” statements
“I felt like when this happened…. ”
This way, you’re not necessarily putting blame on other people but instead centering yourself and leaving space open for conversation and reconciliation. It’s a simple trick that goes a long way to make you seem less accusatory and antagonistic.
If you’re afraid of the confrontation leading to conflict (for no good reason) or the relationship being completely severed, you might not be suited for a relationship with that person anyways. Healthy relationships mean healthy conversations and resolving problems peacefully.
To sum it all up…
Confrontation is important because it’s hard to have truly healthy relationships without bringing problems to the surface and it’s better for both parties! Confrontation is good for your own mental well-being! Remember, long-term peace is worth the short-term discomfort.