How To Support Your Black Friends Right Now
This post is all about how you can support your Black friends.
Nowadays, it’s pretty hard to turn on the TV, look at social media, or even drive down the street without seeing something relating to BLM. Especially given the recent events and the lack of accountability taken from the Louisville Police Department for Breonna Taylor’s death. I can say from personal experience and speaking with my Black friends that feelings of grief, distress, and even numbness from a year that just seems to keep going downhill have really ran high. And on top of that, processing these emotions in the middle of a pandemic that disproportionately affects BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) communities has been overwhelming to say the very least.
So if you’re reading this, you may have found yourself struggling to find ways to comfort and show support to your Black friends. Honestly, maybe you’ve been a little afraid to ask and make your way into uncharted territory because for so long, race has been a “touchy subject.” Here are a few things that you can do right now to comfort and show support to your Black friends.
Educate Yourself
You can pretty much find anything on the internet. Between Google, YouTube, and everything else out there, there are tons of resources and articles right at your fingertips! Start by watching documentaries on Netflix and Hulu (13th is a personal favorite) and reading anti-racist literature. Even listening to Black music artists and understanding their messages can help (I will never not recommend J. Cole to someone). If you’re still in school, take a Black Studies class and learn as much as you can. The opportunities are endless. Challenge yourself with this newfound knowledge to understand also what implicit biases you may have.
As you learn more, avoid looking to your Black friends for information or explanations of certain topics unless they offer. You might not realize it, but it can be emotionally and mentally draining to have to educate others on your own oppression. It’s also so common for Black people to be unwillingly put positions as an honorary spokesperson for their entire race. So it would be counterproductive for them to be put in a position like this again.
Spread Awareness of Issues and Have conversations
Saying something and posting on social media says a lot, but not doing anything and remaining silent says a lot more. And honestly, neither goes unnoticed. Use your platforms to encourage discussion, show solidarity, and amplify Black voices. Just be mindful not to share those graphic videos and images that go around every time a tragedy happens.
While posting on social media and educating yourself are a great first steps, having those difficult and uncomfortable conversations with non-Black family members and friends is where real change will start to happen. More often than not, as a non-Black person you have access to spaces your Black counterparts don’t, meaning you have the opportunity to challenge ideas and make change in those spaces. Share what you learned from watching documentaries and reading books with them. It does a lot more good for all of us.
Take them out for coffee or lunch
This is a nice, considerate pick-me-up that can go a long way. It’s you acknowledging that things aren’t great, while offering companionship and lending an ear if they would like to talk (while wearing masks and being safe, of course).
Don’t make it about you and your feelings
Statements like, “I can’t believe this is happening” or “I understand how you feel” are just not the way to go. To most Black people, this isn’t new and their experiences are entirely unique. It’s important to recognize this and keep the attention on them. Even if you might feel that way, it’s not a green light to process those feelings with people that have dealt with it their whole lives. Come to them already aware of the racism and trauma they’ve faced.
A couple things that you can say instead…
“I’ve been keeping up with the news and wanted to check in to see how you are doing. I’m here to talk if you would like. But if you don’t, that’s okay too.”
“Sending my love and support during this hard time. I’m here if you’d like to talk about it.”
Respect their space
Everyone handles grief and stress differently, and a lot of times, it involves taking a step back from the world. You might not get a response to texts or face-time requests if they decide to isolate themselves for a while. They probably just need space to process, so don’t take it personally. But even a quick text checking in every now and then to show that you’re available is comforting.
To sum it all up…
Reading this page and taking these first steps are great, but awareness and action are long-term commitments that go hand-in-hand. So you won’t be able to learn every little thing in one night, and that’s okay! Your willingness to learn and make mistakes in order to progress is what really make a difference. Although it’s impossible to actually understand what they’re going through, educating yourself of their struggles and applying the tips above will make you a better ally and friend.